Two words. Self. Care.
The following is an excerpt from my contribution to Adopted for Daily Life: A Devotional For Adopting Moms
ASIDE: If you’re an adoptING or an adoptIVE mama, I highly encourage you to get your own copy. Besides, the proceeds go toward a great cause.
We are all precious. No back seat necessary. #selfcare Click To TweetShortly after we brought home our son from Korea in 2009, we realized that the parenting techniques we used on our bio kids fell tragically short of meeting the needs of a child from a hard place. Fortunately, we became immersed in a therapeutic method called trust-based parenting. While the principles outlined in trust-based parenting have literally saved our family from disruption and destruction, they are H.A.R.D. to carry out daily and require immense amounts of patience and compassion from the parents (you and me). In the lowest part of our journey, God was gracious enough to show me that the missing piece was my self-care. Our children constantly rely on us to keep their endless anxieties at bay and regulate their emotions along with all the other typical food-shelter requirements. This requires us to be “on” all the time we’re with them. If you are with your kids full-time as I am (and even if you’re not), this is an impossibly tall order that can only be fulfilled if we take the time to care for ourselves spiritually, mentally, and physically. After all, we’re only human, too.
The words that echoed in my spirit as I began to give myself permission to care for myself (even if it meant pawning my kids off on family and neighbors at a frequency well outside of my comfort zone), were, “You are precious.” I felt Him reassuring me that being a “good” parent did not include detrimental self-sacrifice. Somewhere along the lines I had picked up a subconscious, self-imposed requirement that I should be physically present with my kids as much as possible. Ironically, boxing myself in like that had made me a grouchy, crabby mama that my kids really didn’t want to be around anyway. I had falsely figured that to care for myself meant my kids would take a back seat and visa versa when, in truth, we are all precious. No back seat necessary.
For other tips and encouragement for finding your self-care groove check out:
Self-Care | The Missing Piece of Trust-based Parenting
Preserving Me Time: My Path to Sanity
Beautiful reminders. Thank you. We are adoptive parents, birth parents, and were foster parents for many years. Burn-out is so easy to slip into and tough to climb back out of. It’s not easy to find the resources for self-care at times, but it’s worth the extra effort for sure.