The self is a relation which relates itself to its own self, or it is that in the relation [which accounts for it] that the relation relates itself to its own self; the self is not the relation but [consists in the fact] that the relation relates itself to its own self.”

By the way, I got bombarded, in the beginnig, with the “bonding” question every Sunday at church after we adopted Bethany. I said “No, I still feel like I’m watching someone else’s kid.” I can say there is a closeness that I can’t describe-different than when they laid Carrie or Tommy next to me after giving birth. I think when we admit that even some of our biological children aren’t necessarily a good fit, we can acknowledge that each child is a gift and an enormous responsibility. I’ve read that adoptive parents sometimes feel less inclined to admit that maybe there are things about the child that rub you the wrong way. The reason it’s hard to admit is the response you sometimes get-“Well, you wanted to do this.” Basically-you’ve made your bed, now lie in it. I’m not tryng to paint a bad picture, but a realistic one. I wrestled with the same questions (I also tend to overanalyze, as an adoptive parent. I also think that sometimes when I reflect on Peter and Bethany’s temperment or bent and wonder which parent that came from. Us or them. Also I know that Carrie and Tommy have traits, expressions and looks that can be attributed to a biological family member . I know I’m rambling here but there was a point at one time. : )