Good question.
I’ve been thinking about it ever since she asked.
On a practical level, I have the best husband E.V.E.R. who is doing a lot of the practical things such as cooking and homeschooling, so I can focus on helping others. Additionally, while we have a lot going on and a lot of stress, we feel safe. That is not always the case when a family has a really fragile child.
On an emotional level, I’ve had to do a lot of healing myself. Even just a year ago, I struggled to read posts on most adoption support Facebook groups. They left me feeling hopeless, snarky, and resentful.
Part of my healing journey has been realizing what types of activities fill me up and help me move forward in life. I thought for a long time that I was most effective when I was meeting my kids’ needs. But instead, I felt like I was pouring my soul into a black hole.
[bctt tweet=”‘I thought for a long time that I was most effective when I was meeting my kids’ needs.’ Read why this mom was wrong. #parenting” username=”corkboardblog”]
Now, I understand that the greatest return on my investment is prioritizing my needs and defining success in ways that have absolutely nothing to do with how my kids are behaving or the decisions that they are making.
Yesterday, as part of my save-my-sanity-self-care-plan, I went out on a walk. It was unseasonably warm at almost 50 degrees, but foggy and misty. As I was walking, I started noticing rain drops perched on trees, grass, and dying flowers.
There was this simple beauty all around me. And that beauty was there for me to enjoy regardless of what was going on circumstantially in life.
Even if you’re at the end of your rope with your kids.
Even if you’re feeling like a failure as a mom.
Even if you have no hope left.
[bctt tweet=”There are simple pleasures all around if we stop long enough to pay attention.” username=”corkboardblog”]
Maybe it’s nature.
Maybe it’s a hot cup of something yummy.
Maybe it’s a smile from a stranger.
Maybe it’s sneaking a piece of chocolate and a glass of wine.
Take some time this week to look for the little things.
What are your simple pleasures?
Share them on Instagram and tag them #corkboardblog so we can all enjoy each other’s simple pleasures.
]]>Sure, we can all find small gratitudes each day.
We have food to eat.
We only called the police once last week.
The sun came out today.
But what about deep gratitude for the life you’re living?
After all, you may be living a life that you didn’t sign up for.
Maybe each day is a living hell. You feel like you’re being held hostage.
Maybe you feel isolated and alone. Like no one else gets it. Or even worse, that everyone thinks you’re crazy.
Maybe you’re starting to feel like you’re crazy.
If we focus on the injustice of just wanting to complete our families or help a child in need but ending up victimized and with no help, it is hard to think about being thankful.
Plus, the actual celebrating of the holiday with extra people, overstimulation, and lots of extra foods to have to police, it can be easy to become a Scrooge about Thanksgiving.
I was thinking I could do without this particular holiday.
Then I read Psalm 136 this week and was reminded of something powerful.
Give thanks to the LORD, because he is good.
His faithful love continues forever.
Give thanks to the greatest God of all.
His faithful love continues forever.
Give thanks to the most powerful Lord of all.
His faithful love continues forever.
Give thanks to the only one who can do great miracles.
His faithful love continues forever.
By his understanding he made the heavens.
His faithful love continues forever.
He spread out the earth on the waters.
His faithful love continues forever.
He made the great lights in the sky.
His faithful love continues forever.
He made the sun to rule over the day.
His faithful love continues forever.
He made the moon and stars to rule over the night.
His faithful love continues forever.
Give thanks to the One who killed the oldest son of each family in Egypt.
His faithful love continues forever.
He brought the people of Israel out of Egypt.
His faithful love continues forever.
He did it by reaching out his mighty hand and powerful arm.
His faithful love continues forever.
Give thanks to the One who parted the Red Sea.
His faithful love continues forever.
He brought Israel through the middle of it.
His faithful love continues forever.
But he swept Pharaoh and his army into the Red Sea.
His faithful love continues forever.
Give thanks to the One who led his people through the desert.
His faithful love continues forever.
He killed great kings.
His faithful love continues forever.
He struck down mighty kings.
His faithful love continues forever.
He killed Sihon, the king of the Amorites.
His faithful love continues forever.
He killed Og, the king of Bashan.
His faithful love continues forever.
He gave their land as a gift.
His faithful love continues forever.
He gave it as a gift to his servant Israel.
His faithful love continues forever.
Give thanks to the One who remembered us when things were going badly for us.
His faithful love continues forever.
He set us free from our enemies.
His faithful love continues forever.
He gives food to every creature.
His faithful love continues forever.
Give thanks to the God of heaven.
His faithful love continues forever. — Ps 136
True thanksgiving isn’t about being thankful for the circumstances as much as it is being thankful for the eternal, unshakable truths.
[bctt tweet=”True #thanksgiving isn’t about being thankful for the circumstances as much as it is being thankful for the eternal, unshakable truths. #lifeishard” username=”corkboardonline”]
We aren’t to be thankful because we feel like it, but because The LORD is GOOD. And that never changes.
If we are thankful for nothing else, we can be thankful that The LORD who created the world and will eventually restore and redeem it all is GOOD.
Regardless of whether or not our kids use their words, face their demons, or become what we consider functional adults, God is still GOOD.
Regardless of what others think about us as parents or whether or not our kids can receive our love, God is still GOOD.
So when you’re sitting around the Thanksgiving table this week, and you’re kids are running amuck, just remember that God is still GOOD and be thankful for that. And you are NOT ALONE.
DISCLAIMER: I am not condoning any disrespectful behavior or advocating that you sit around and do nothing if you are experiencing child on parent violence. If you are in this situation and need help, please send me a message.
]]>In my defense, I was pre-occupied with getting a new project to support adoptive and foster moms ready to pre-launch. And there’s a freezer full of grass-fed, local, free-range ground beef downstairs that someone could’ve done something with. No one needed to starve.
So real quick, the project is called The Adoption Connection, and it’s a podcast by and for adoptive and foster moms. I found out this year that I love the podcasting medium, but it kind of lacked direction. What I hear most from you all are questions about adoptive parenting and my experience as an adult adoptee. So, I partnered with my friend, Lisa Qualls at One Thankful Mom, who is also an adoptive mom, but also a birth/first mom. Between the two of us, we represent all sides of the adoption triad. We make a stellar team and are fully committed to being a resource you can count on.
No worries. I will continue to write here and bring you must-read content like how to keep your family happy when you don’t want to cook.
My secret?
Bacon.
[bctt tweet=”I found the secret to family unity! #bacon” username=”corkboardblog”]
I bake it, so it literally takes less than 5 minutes of the precious time that I’d rather be using to scroll through Instagram help adoptive and foster mamas.
Just follow these simple steps.
- Buy bacon every time you find yourself in a grocery store.
-
Line a shallow pan with foil. I use a metal jelly roll pan. (Yes, that’s an affiliate link. How else will I fund this bacon madness?)
-
Lay out the bacon in a single layer.
-
Bake at 375 degrees F for about 25 minutes or until desired crispiness.
-
Drain bacon on a paper towel.
-
Leave on counter.
-
Say ,”Yes,” whenever someone asks for a piece. (Yes, you can sneak trust-based parenting tactics in anywhere!)
Notice that the complaints about the lack of milk, cereal, cheese, bread, deli meat, etc. seem wonderfully absent.
If you’re starting to feel twitchy about summer (despite the bacon tip), you can find more great tips in my book 5 Tips to Save Your Summer which you can get by clicking here and clicking the orange button that says, “Get Your FREE Summer Survival Book.”
Go! Make people happy!
[bctt tweet=”Get a FREE book of summer survival tips. #parenthacks” username=”corkboardblog”]
]]>The result? Kid-approved by each of our 3 who were here, and one of the sweetest community times we’ve shared in a long while.
I hesitated to even publish this post this year because there just aren’t that many days until Easter. But if you’re a fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants family like us, then you have plenty of time to pull off a Seder. You could even make this your Easter dinner!
What exactly is a Seder?
In short, a Jewish ritual service and ceremonial dinner for the first night or first two nights of Passover. Because we don’t follow the Jewish calendar in our family…and life…we just celebrate it on a night sometime leading up to Easter.
What will I need?
Everything you need can be found at your local grocery store. I don’t worry about getting true Kosher items.
- Matzoh
- Parsley
- Horseradish
- Hard-boiled eggs (1 per person)
- Lamb shank (or chicken bone in a pinch)
- Charoset (I used this recipe and subbed some honey for the brown sugar)
- Wine or grape juice
- Romaine lettuce.
- Small bowl of salt water for each table.
- Large bowl of water for hand washing at each table.
- Simple meal. I make a simple roasted potatoes, carrots, and chicken. Recipe below.
- Haggadah. This is basically the script for the night. Download the one we use here. Print 1 per person.
- 10 Plagues Masks (Seriously, we found these at our local Wegmans. You can also Amazon Prime them here. But really, as much fun as they are, you can pull off a last minute Seder without them.)
- A simple prize. This is for the child who finds the Afikoman. Wegmans struck again, and we were able to pick up a Passover Bag of Plague Toys as our prize about 30 minutes before our Seder. But, seriously, anything goes here.
Lastly, if you have really little kids, we gave them a cup of crayons and this coloring page to keep them engaged as we went through the ceremony.
Now what?
- Set a date and gather all the materials.
- (Optional) Invite others.
- Print a Haggadah for each person.
Set up:
- Set each place at the table with a plate that includes a sprig of parsley, a hard-boiled egg, a dollop of horseradish, and a leaf of lettuce.
- Each table should have a hand washing bowl, a bowl of salt water, a tray of Matzoh, and a bowl of Charoset.
- Get the dinner roasting (recipe below).
Simple Dinner Recipe
Okay, I used the word “recipe” loosely. This isn’t really the type of meal where you need exact quantities. It’s really forgiving.
You’ll need enough red potatoes, chicken pieces (we used drumsticks and boneless thighs), and baby carrots for everyone.
Brine the chicken for a couple hours. I used diluted pickle juice, but you can just use salt water. I also like to add about 1/4 cup of hydrogen peroxide. It helps to tenderize the meat.
Chop the potatoes.
Rinse the chicken and pat dry.
Toss the chicken, baby carrots, and chopped potatoes in a roasting pan with enough olive oil to coat it all. Generously sprinkle with your choice of spice blend and salt and pepper to taste. I had a Safeway Selects Mediterranean Roast Rub in my spice cabinet that worked really well, but any rub or blend would work. Your spice aisle in your grocery store will probably have some great options.
Roast uncovered at 375 F for about an hour or until the chicken reaches 160 F and the potatoes are tender. This can totally be roasting while you do the ceremonial part of the meal and then just pull it out when it’s time to serve.
The Actual Seder
- Gather the people.
- Use the Haggadah as your guide and enjoy!
Do you have any favorite Easter traditions?
]]>
You know that time when you repainted the living room with a paint sprayer and then had to repaint a bunch of other things because paint sprayers don’t obey the best laid plans of tape and plastic? Kind of like Winter didn’t get the memo about Spring being here? And then you were hosting 20 people for a Seder a couple days later? And you should be cleaning and grocery shopping and cooking, but you decided blogging was a phenomenal creative avoidance?
No? Oh, shoot. That’s me. Today.
So quickly, here are 3 things I’m loving right now. Then I’m off to figure out how to roll my dining-turned-kitchen table back to the dining room and find the leaves I took out and then find room for 12 more people.
Podcasts
One week, I’ll highlight specific ones, but for now, I’m just going general. My favorite genre is the conversational ones. They itch my extrovert itch. It’s like ready-made friends in my car whenever I need them. Besides listening to them, I also like hosting them and being a guest on them. I was recently on a new one called Adoption Conversations and will am scheduled to appear with the Collared Chicks next month to chat about micro church.
What are your favorite podcasts?
Sledding
I have to confess. I actually wished for a serious enough snow event where we could go sledding at our favorite local hill. I guess I’ll have to be more specific about in which season I want said event in the future. Either way, we enjoyed getting out yesterday for some good old fashioned fun with some local families. Now it can be flip flop weather…ASAP.
Caveman Meat Bites
Ty and I do better when our bodies have a steady stream of high fat/protein snacks and water. These meat bites are great because they’re not messy, or too chewy/hard for his braces, and they pack easily. Plus they don’t have any of the filler and junk that we’re trying to avoid. So many wins. Click the banner above (affiliate link) for 20% off and free shipping on orders $50 more.
Ok, I’m off. Before you jet, too…
What are your favorite things right now?
]]>
Despite the NBC Sports app, I didn’t watch nearly enough Olympics. However, I did catch some mass start speed skating. It was complicated yet edgy. Sorry. Couldn’t resist. This weekend we’re in for an entire 3 days of sustained winds in the 30-50 mph range with crazier gusts. Schools are closed. Bridges are closed. Trees are down everywhere. I have no idea how we still have power. It’s pretty crazy. There hasn’t even really been that much snow or rain…just wind. But enough about me. Here are some things for you.
The Gas Buddy Card
It’s a card that you swipe at the pump instead of your debit card. It’s linked to your checking account but gets you 5 cents off per gallon. You won’t see the savings at the pump, but Gas Buddy deducts the discounted price instead of what the pump shows. It’s legit. Get your card here.
She Reads Truth Lent Series
Sitting and being still or taking intentional time in the Bible have not been my strong suites over the last couple years. I need to do better and even got a She Reads Truth Bible for Christmas because I was intrigued by the new translation is boasts, the wide margins, and the nifty maps. I started their Lent reading plan a little late in the game which means you can too. The truths still stand. I love being in the Old Testament for Lent. It just feels meaningful right now. I’ll write more about what I’m learning and discovering later, but for now you can jump in by clicking here.
“This is Me” Debut Video
Okay, so I haven’t even seen The Greatest Showman…yet, but I’m kind of obsessed with “This is Me.” It’s weird because I’m not usually driven by music. I think it’s because I first heard the song in its debut video. I could watch this a million times. And I cry each time I watch it. More than when I watch This is Us. Well, actually I’m not a This is Us crier. #trueconfessions
What are you loving this week?
]]>I wanted to lay out all of my findings and all of my opinions, but realized, for issues as divisive and polarized as this (like racism), I want to be an advocate of ideas and opinions in the context of relationship.
[bctt tweet=”I want to be an advocate of ideas and opinions in the context of relationship. #schoolshooting” username=”macorkum”]
Here’s the thing. I feel like if we put aside our differences for a hot second, we can agree that we want the same things—less violence and felt safety. What we disagree on is what factors affect those. There’s also a foundational desire to protect a person’s rights and freedoms, whether it be the right to bear arms or the right to life.
What would it look like to start our conversations and interactions on common ground instead of drawing our lines in the sand first? In connected parenting, we encourage parents to frame situations so that the parent and child stay on the same “side.” That might mean thinking about a parent and child fighting together against the effects of trauma instead of a parent thinking of fighting against this child and his behaviors which are ruining her family’s life. Parent and Child vs. Trauma instead of Parent vs. Child. Do you see how that could make such a huge difference relationally?
[bctt tweet=”Let’s start conversations on common ground instead of drawing our lines in the sand first.” username=”macorkum”]
Also, questions lead us to solutions. Inflammatory opinions and “truth bombs” dropped on social media only create more division.
If we really want to start solving this problem, we are going to need to work together. Not fight with each other.
One thing that really helps me is remembering that we form opinions inside our own bubble of a paradigm. If I’ve learned nothing else in the past 5 years, it’s
- How much I don’t know what I don’t know.
- Common sense isn’t so common.
- Things are not always as they appear to be.
Some of my fundamental beliefs about life have been shaken at my core which means I’m holding my opinions with much more open hands. And you know what? I’m a better human for it. It’s changed the way I do relationship with my husband, my kids, and people with whom I work. I also know that I’m still definitely a work in progress. You can ask my husband, my kids, and the people with whom I work 
I also know that how I hear and process someone’s opinion is different when I have a relationship with her because I have a paradigm that knows her heart’s deeper intentions, and I can reconcile that opinion within that framework. In simpler terms, it just helps me give a person, with whom I might disagree, the benefit of the doubt.
So, if you want to see all of my Excel graphs and hear why I don’t think the statistics on mental health and violence tell the whole story or how I’m convinced kids are still safer at school than at home, we’ll have to plan to grab coffee or at least a phone date.
If you feel strongly about all of these issues, grab a friend who thinks a little differently than you, put away your Straw Man exclamations, and have a real conversation. Figure out your common ground and make and action plan that you can work on together.
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So this Friday’s favorites:
Baking Bacon
We (I mean, “I”) try to be as Paleo as possible. I head believes and my joints are huge fans. I’m working on firing the tastebuds that absolutely CANNOT resist the giant chipless chocolate chip cookie my sister keeps making. #behindmesatan
The part of Paleo that my whole person loves is the bacon. Duh! But gone are the days of slaving over the skillet ruining that dry-clean only shirt that you couldn’t resist at the local church’s free clothing day. I bring you baking bacon.
Just line a sheet pan with foil and lay out a single layer of bacon. Bake in a 375 degree oven for about 25 minutes or until evenly crispy. Less time for thinner slices, more time for thicker. Remove the bacon to a paper-towel lines plate. Wait for the bacon fat to congeal, and then save it for making eggs or just roll up the foil and toss it. No washing dishes!
If You Only Knew
Jamie Ivey’s Unlikely, Unavoidable Story of becoming free.
I had two amazing women on my podcast this week talking about this book. It’s a quick, but powerful read.
2 Notable Holidays
My dad is such a big kid. His favorite holidays are Groundhog’s Day and National Ice Cream for Breakfast Day. Not sure how it worked out, but they happen to be the same weekend usually. He’s doing extra miles on his hand bike this week to make room for the extra calories because of course Groundhog’s Day is celebrated with Dirt–that dessert with pudding and cookie crumbs and whipped cream and gummy worms and…and…and. Basically it’s like Diabetes in a flower pot. And, yes, we make it in a flower pot and serve it with a shovel. And then 12 hours later, we’ll all be eating ice cream for breakfast.
What are you loving these days?
This week I bring you:
A Paleo Compliant Snack: Dang! Onion Chips
Even if I wasn’t attempting to be Paleo, I would still gorge on these. If you are better at Paleo than me and craving a crunchy, compliant snack. You’ll need to buy stock in these ASAP. I linked them to Amazon, but if the price tag puts you in immediate shock, just know that I got mine as a free gift in my last box from Thrive Market. A genius move, really, because now I’m hooked. However, I’ll only pay $3.79 a bag for them there, so there’s that.
A Book: The Road Back To You
If you hang around me or got my blog email note yesterday, you know my current obsession is knowing my Enneagram number and the number of all those around me. PJ tried to have an intervention with me yesterday when he realized I was taking another test in between chapters of this book. I both the e-book and audiobook checked out from my library right now, but obviously, Amazon won’t steer you wrong here, either.
A Fun Activity: Escape Rooms
My fear of failure kept me from trying these earlier because, “What if we failed to get out?” I know. I’m really no fun. But we ventured in last summer and found out we’re actually really good at them, so now we’re hooked. At the last one, they asked, “Have you done one of these before?” And we answered, “A half dozen around Baltimore, 2 in Pennsylvania, and 1 in Utah.” If you ever played games like Myst growing up, it’s like an in-real-life version of that. Even our too-cool-for-anything-but-screen time teenager readily accepts an invitation to tackle an escape room.
What are some of your favorite things?
Nothing says I’m waiting for the arrival of a Savior like:
- Overspending on more stuff we don’t need.
- Lying to our kids about where all the stuff came from. (We don’t do this, but I hear there are some families who do.)
- Forcing our kids to sit on a stranger’s lap and even smile about it.
- Sending more stuff to children in developing countries to further evangelise that we need stuff to wait for or celebrate our Savior.
- Cutting down a perfectly healthy tree to bring it into our house as a massive fire hazard.
- Stuffing our temples full of more sugar than anybody needs in a year.
If you love anyone of the aforementioned traditions, more power to you. I’ve been in that season, and it was so fun and joyful and enjoyable. And I may cycle back to it again.
But the fact of the matter is that I have felt absolutely zero motivation to do any of the traditional Christmas preparations this year. We have no tree, no lights, no candles. I have wrapped exactly zero presents, addressed zero Christmas cards, and baked zero cookies.
Instead I’ve been slapped in the face repeatedly with the reality that our family is broken. That I’m a sinful human. That I trigger the trauma of my children. That I’m insufficient. And that life doesn’t stop for any “special” season. People still get sick, meltdown (this even MORE than normal), and need surgery. Neither special dietary restrictions nor trauma take a vacation during Advent.
And, I’m not the only one feeling like a Scrooge. Multiple mom’s have confessed their guilt to me this year about skipping a typical family tradition or just deciding to do less than the cultural average.
I wish a had pulled these thoughts together sooner for them because, “out of the whole Christian year one season that is especially fitting for liturgical lament is the season of Advent.”
I’m also pretty sure Jesus wouldn’t even want us feeling guilty about neglecting the traditions that are specifically designed “for him.” The nativities, the Jesse tree, the Advent wreath, etc. Again, I’m not knocking them, but I want you to feel released from the guilt. We can still point our children to Jesus and even instill the importance of his birth in a myriad of other ways and even …gasp… during other times of the year. No one is a failure if their kids don’t hear Luke chapter 2 during December.
I’m going out on a limb and claiming that Jesus will understand if you lament this year and just lay in the fetal position in a bedroom (next to a bathroom without Christmas hand towels, down the hall from a treeless living room, in a house without a single exterior light) and wish he would come sooner rather than later.
I’m betting that He’ll meet you in that space with a quiet reminder that He did come and gift us with Hope and the Holy Spirit, and He will back.