If your child came through adoption or foster care, he may have missed out on developing an emotions vocabulary.

Whether your children came by birth or adoption, it’s our job as parents to help our kids develop their emotional intelligence.

Emotional intelligence refers to the ability to identify and manage one’s own emotions, as well as the emotions of others. [1]

Sometimes exploring your child’s own emotions feels like navigating a field of landmines.

Maybe you feel like you can’t even manage your own emotions, and you feel like a failure. I was struggling Friday to manage my own emotions let alone the emotions of others!

Illustrated storybooks are an effective way to explore feelings in a non-threatening way. It’s easier and more concrete for children to explore the feelings of others as opposed to their own.

[bctt tweet=”Illustrated storybooks are an effective way to explore feelings in a non-threatening way. It’s easier and more concrete for children to explore the feelings of others as opposed to their own. #momhack” username=”corkboardonline”]

As your child’s emotional vocabulary for others increases, she will start being able to use it to identify her own big feelings.

As you read with your child ask:

• What do you think the character is feeling?
• What would be a good decision the character could make? What would be a bad decision?
• Have you ever felt the way the character is feeling?
• Can you make your face look the way the character is feeling?
• Not a question, but try just flipping through and naming the emotions illustrated throughout the book.

If you need to spark ideas for emotions words that are not “happy” or “mad,” check out this list.

Check out books from the authors below to get started.

Kevin Henkes

Patricia Polacco

Mo Willems

We can only take our kids as far as we’ve taken ourselves. Check out this masterclass to sharpen your own emotional intelligence.

This post contains affiliate links.

What are your favorite books to read with your kids about feelings?

Christine was gracious enough to provide an interview to share more of her thoughts. Even if adoption isn’t part of your life, you’ll appreciate her dedication to faith and family.

When you go out to coffee with a friend, what do you most like to talk about?

I’m truly blessed to have many dear friends. When we get together, we talk about our kids, grandkids, relationships, work, current events. And importantly, we also plan fun outings! We like to go to concerts, restaurants, art fairs, and travel.

Why was writing your memoir important to you?

I had an important story to tell about the power of choice, the importance of family, and the unbreakable bond of maternal love.

Facing an unwanted pregnancy can be devastating — it certainly was for me at age 18.  It’s important for people to know how difficult this decision is for a woman and how important it is to have the right to choose. I’m glad I choose to place my baby for adoption and it all turned out beautifully, so I have a good story to tell.

In addition, I’ve always wanted to write a book because I’ve always loved reading and writing and it was a goal and a dream of mine to write a book. I had a good story to tell and I needed to tell it. ! It’s all a dream come true — through a lot of hard work.

Describe the source of the strength you showed as you encountered unexpected difficulties in life.

I have always relied on my faith and spirituality for strength, as well as the love of family and friends. Although I am not particularly religious, I am very spiritual, and I believe in a higher power.  I was raised Catholic and I left the church a long ago for many reasons.  I sometimes go to the Lutheran Church now.  But it’s not about the church or a church. For me, faith and spirituality come from nature, energy around me, and from within myself.

If you could say something to 18-year-old Christine, what would you tell her?

It’s going to be okay. Life is difficult and there will be ups and downs. Often times the most difficult things you go through in life, turn out to be the best. You can never imagine just how good it will be.

What is one message you’d want my readers to know?

Family is not just an important thing, family is everything, and it goes well beyond who is living in your home or who you gave birth to. Family means love and that you have your people – and they have you — to lean on, to love, to support, to cry with and laugh with.

[bctt tweet=”Family goes well beyond who is living in your home or who you gave birth to. #adoption” username=”corkboardblog”]

Christine (Chris) Bauer was born and raised in the big small town of Mitchell, South Dakota. She feels blessed to have grown up in a place and time when childhood was carefree, when kids left the house in morning and returned in the evening, and in between rode bikes, built forts, and played baseball and Barbies. While she loved her hometown, Chris was eager to move on to new adventures after graduating high school.

Chris attended Mankato State University in Minnesota, majoring in Mass Communications. Her dream was to one day be part of a Woodward and Bernstein-type team who saved the world through ground-breaking journalism.  Soul searching and need for employment led her to a gratifying career in corporate communications, public relations and marketing. Chris has loved reading and writing for as long as she can remember.

Her greatest achievement and most profound joy is being the mother of three kind-hearted children and one beautiful and spirited grandchild. In addition to being a mom and grandma of humans, Chris is also the proud mom to one very spoiled dog and two equally spoiled granddogs. She admits there were moments in the motherhood journey where she preferred the canines.

She resides in the Minneapolis area. While her nest is nearly empty now, she loves that the flock returns regularly for food and shelter. Those Three Words is her first book. It is currently available for pre-sale. To learn more, go to https://www.authorcbauer.com/

Reader can connect with Christine on Facebook, Twitter, and Goodreads.

I received a complimentary copy of this book and the post contains affiliate links, but these thoughts on the book are my own.

So this Friday’s favorites:

Baking Bacon

We (I mean, “I”) try to be as Paleo as possible. I head believes and my joints are huge fans. I’m working on firing the tastebuds that absolutely CANNOT resist the giant chipless chocolate chip cookie my sister keeps making. #behindmesatan

The part of Paleo that my whole person loves is the bacon. Duh! But gone are the days of slaving over the skillet ruining that dry-clean only shirt that you couldn’t resist at the local church’s free clothing day. I bring you baking bacon.

Just line a sheet pan with foil and lay out a single layer of bacon. Bake in a 375 degree oven for about 25 minutes or until evenly crispy. Less time for thinner slices, more time for thicker. Remove the bacon to a paper-towel lines plate. Wait for the bacon fat to congeal, and then save it for making eggs or just roll up the foil and toss it. No washing dishes!

If You Only Knew

I had two amazing women on my podcast this week talking about this book. It’s a quick, but powerful read.

2 Notable Holidays

My dad is such a big kid. His favorite holidays are Groundhog’s Day and National Ice Cream for Breakfast Day. Not sure how it worked out, but they happen to be the same weekend usually. He’s doing extra miles on his hand bike this week to make room for the extra calories because of course Groundhog’s Day is celebrated with Dirt–that dessert with pudding and cookie crumbs and whipped cream and gummy worms and…and…and. Basically it’s like Diabetes in a flower pot. And, yes, we make it in a flower pot and serve it with a shovel. And then 12 hours later, we’ll all be eating ice cream for breakfast.

What are you loving these days?

This week I bring you:

A Paleo Compliant Snack: Dang! Onion Chips

Even if I wasn’t attempting to be Paleo, I would still gorge on these. If you are better at Paleo than me and craving a crunchy, compliant snack. You’ll need to buy stock in these ASAP. I linked them to Amazon, but if the price tag puts you in immediate shock, just know that I got mine as a free gift in my last box from Thrive Market. A genius move, really, because now I’m hooked. However, I’ll only pay $3.79 a bag for them there, so there’s that.

A Book: The Road Back To You

If you hang around me or got my blog email note yesterday, you know my current obsession is knowing my Enneagram number and the number of all those around me. PJ tried to have an intervention with me yesterday when he realized I was taking another test in between chapters of this book. I both the e-book and audiobook checked out from my library right now, but obviously, Amazon won’t steer you wrong here, either.

A Fun Activity: Escape Rooms

My fear of failure kept me from trying these earlier because, “What if we failed to get out?” I know. I’m really no fun. But we ventured in last summer and found out we’re actually really good at them, so now we’re hooked. At the last one, they asked, “Have you done one of these before?” And we answered, “A half dozen around Baltimore, 2 in Pennsylvania, and 1 in Utah.” If you ever played games like Myst growing up, it’s like an in-real-life version of that. Even our too-cool-for-anything-but-screen time teenager readily accepts an invitation to tackle an escape room.

What are some of your favorite things?

Despite my best intentions, I am being sucked into the Jen Hatmaker vortex. My first intersection with Jen’s writing was through the adoption community. I instantly connected to her sarcasm and sense of humor. It was kind of like she’d been inside my head and was articulating my life with the humor and wit I wish I had.

Honest truth? The middle schooler in me was jealous. We were clearly like the same person with the same thoughts but her writing came out WAY better than mine and she was handling her adoptions with much more finesse, faith, and grace. Then the adult, Christian woman stepped in:

“You have a lot going for you. Seriously!?!? Get. Over. Yourself!”

“You do not want as many blog readers as her. You could not handle the criticism.”

“If you read between the lines, adoption has probably messed her up as bad as it’s messed you up.”

So, I was resisting Jen because, rather than being a grown up and letting her be her and me be me, I knew I would probably just spend my days fantasizing about how I could write my next blog post to sound like her. #stillinmiddleschoolontheinside

Besides, it’s not like my “to read” list or my feedly needed any more growth. I barely have time to do the basics like brushing my teeth let alone the extras like reading for pleasure. #canwepretendthisistherealreasonididntfollowjen?

But, then, I threw caution into the wind and started reading her blog because the adoption community kept telling me I was missing out on some good stuff, and I need all the humor and solidarity I can find when it comes to adoption these days. The next thing I knew, we were EFF’s (you probably don’t want to ask if you don’t know), I was reading For the Love, had joined an online book club, and had her other books on hold at the library.

28% into the book at “location 836” (thank you Kindle for the ability to quote such awkward statistics but not give a blessed page number) she makes this comment about what Ann Voskamp would do and I was head-over-heels in love. Is that awkward? I’ve always felt this totally not-of-God guilt about how I cannot get on the Ann bandwagon. Anyway, I’ve decided there are two types of Christian women in the world…Jen Hatmakers and Ann Voskamps. I pretty sure Jen and I would be instant BFF’s (besides the fact that we both already have BFF’s). We would sit for hours and talk about the pros and cons of Gourmet Club versus Supper Club and about our latest back patio gatherings. On the other hand, I would make Ann cringe as we do not have a meditative sand box in our front hallway or cute, framed, printables announcing the daily menu. #howisthatforstereotyping?

All that to say, if you are a Jen (not an Ann), tend toward edgy instead of safe, or just want to know what my inner monologue sounds like, pick up a copy of For the Love.

In all seriousness, the content amidst the humor is spot on. Once you stop laughing, don’t forget to be challenged to action in the ways you:

See Yourself

“You don’t need to wait another day to figure out your calling. You’re living it, dear one. Your gifts have a place right now, in the job you have, in your stage of life, with the people who surrounded you.”

Love Others

“Boundaries come after grace, because compassion minds the fragile places but boundaries keep them from compromising the rest.”

Parent

“If your [kids] mercy radar is strong now, God can do anything with [them] later.”

Do Church

“Instead of waiting around for church to assemble a perfect group of dynamic People Who Can Meet on Tuesdays, maybe just invite some folks over…I’ve left a friends’ table as sanctified and renewed as any church service. If you have a porch, then you have an altar to gather around.”  Preach it!

Have you read the book? What was your favorite part?

1. Nurture Shock. This book by Po Bronson and Ashley Merryman covers everything from sleep to praise to lying. Less of a self-help book, this book will challenge your paradigm on most child and parent related topics using evidence from fascinating studies.