[bctt tweet=”Here are 4 things I wish someone had told me when I was new to the world of IEP meetings and adhd. #ieps #adhdparenting #pblogger” username=”corkboardblog”]
Here are four things I wish someone had told me when I was new to the world of IEPs:
1. Stay Calm. While it’s tempting to go all mama-bear on these people who seem to be failing your child, do everything in your power to take deep breaths and remain calm. Trust me, I’ve done this both ways. You have more credibility if you can keep your emotions in check.
2. Record It. Even if you take meticulous notes, it’s likely, you’ll want to go back and review what everyone said. Also, in the unfortunate case that you’ll need help from a student advocate or lawyer, you’ll want them to have the full picture. Rather than use the fact that you’re recording as a threat (which is my natural tendency), emphasize that you want what’s best for your child or that recording is the best way to share information with the other parent.
3. Know Your Rights. You should receive a booklet of parental rights when you request an IEP meeting. If not, look on your school system’s website. It will outline a timeline as well as other important rights. It’s your job to make sure the school system is treating you the way it’s supposed to. Sometimes it’s not malicious, but an oversight. You are your own best advocate.
4. Don’t Sign Anything. Meetings can be emotional and overwhelming. Despite what the team will pressure you to do, don’t sign anything in the moment. It’s your right to take it home and process all the information. Then you can make a more objective decision if the outcome of the meeting is a good fit or if you need to continue to advocate.
Are you unsure of what can happen at school to best set your child up for success? Are you not even sure what to ask the school to do?
Click here to download a list of over 100 IEP accommodations.
I mostly identify as homeschooling mama, but truth be told, three out of our 6 kids have spent time in not just school, but public school. <GASP>
Our latest launch has been the most successful to date. Clearly this makes me an expert, so I figured I would impart my pearly words of wisdom to you.
Disclaimer: These steps should only be used on your first born child for whom you have the highest aspirations.
Step 1. Homeschool him for at least five years.
Step 2. Create some kind of family crisis so that for at least the last two years of his homeschool career, so you are literally not paying attention to him at all.
Step 3. Allow the student to sleep in for as long as he pleases during his homeschool career. If his usual wake up time is after 12pm, all the better.
Step 4. Give him unlimited access to a computer behind closed doors to guarantee that he’s making the most of his home educational experience. Turn a blind eye to the number of hours he spends gaming everyday. At least he’s not sexting. It’s all relative, people.
Step 5. Try out homeschooling high school at home a year early just for fun. Make sure the child fails at least three classes.
Step 6. Be sure to choose a public school who is overhauling its guidance department so you have to wait until the last week of August to register and find out anything at all about the school-class schedules, start times, bus routes, etc.
Step 7. Check the bus route when it’s finally available and announce to your student that his bus will come at the o’dark hundred hour of 6:45 AM. Snicker behind closed doors.
Step 8. Plan to go out of town for his very first week of high school. Miss Back to School night. Be unavailable to sign any syllabi or other such first week of school paperwork. Additionally be unavailable to go back to school supply shopping for all the things that apparently high school teachers don’t tell you about until you actually get to your classes. I seem to remember getting supply lists over the summer when I was in school, but clearly that was another time and generation. #thankgoodnessforamazonprime
Step 9. Enjoy the fact that is there is one less body to manage every day from 6:45 AM to 2:15 PM.
How’s school going for you this year?
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Last week in a neighboring high school district in our county, students were disciplined for staging a photo where their spirit week Scrabble letters spelled out, “N****r.” [1] Obviously, this incident is restarting a conversation about racism in schools.
According to a Change.org petition [2], the students were only suspended for 9 days. The outrage on the petition and across social media platforms was swift and clear. To date, more than 6,000 people have signed the petition which asks for stricter and more appropriate discipline.
As a side note, I’m following a fellow adoptive mom whose daughter was just suspended for several WEEKS for consensual horseplay on school property. As in a group of students of color were stupidly goofing off in a way where physical contact was made. All students assured the administration that it wasn’t fighting, they were just playing a game. They weren’t heard. Just suspended and now there’s a hearing on the incident. My friend’s daughter is still not back at school…being denied her education. She is black.
My visceral reaction to racism is anger and disgust and the need for retribution. After reading the news story on this, my lid was flipped. [3] However, we’ve started to extrapolate connected parenting principles to other aspects of our lives. After my initial seething, I could hear my thinking brain encouraging me to have a response rather than a reaction.
[bctt tweet=”Have a response rather than a reaction. #racism #parenting #education” username=”macorkum”]
Expulsion for racism in schools
It’s what the people are calling for. They are angry. I was quick to agree. Then there are comments that expulsion doesn’t actually address the heart of the issue. Such wise folks. I mulled and thought. True. Straight up punishment is not the answer. Something more restorative and educational is in order. But back to expulsion. I’m actually for it. Not because that’s what they deserve or because it makes me feel better. Expulsion is appropriate because of the victims—all of the students of color at the school. If you were a black kid, how would you feel knowing that these white kids, who were ballsy and racist enough to post such a photo, were loose at school with barely a slap on the wrist for such a heinous act? As a mama of black kids, I can tell you my kids wouldn’t be forced to go back until the administration addressed their felt safety needs which would include knowing that the guilty parties were nowhere near my kids.
Similar felt safety sentiments were expressed by students in another Maryland county last year following offensive social media postings.
“People should have the right to be informed if the student is expelled or when the student returns to the school/school system,” students wrote in their proposal. “When people are left without information, they are in constant fear that the threatening student will return. At this point in time, administration and HCPSS cannot share any knowledge of the student’s return or lack thereof. The feeling of safety is jeopardized when students are not informed properly.” [4]
Restorative Justice for Racism in Schools
But expulsion is to protect the victims, so what about the restorative justice [5] piece? Rather than straight punishment, connective principles ask what is being communicated by the behavior and think about what would be an effective solution. I don’t know these kids at all, but the offensive photo seems to indicate a lack of understanding, thoughtfulness, and awareness. Often, kids who are willing to hurt other kids are often hurt and insecure kids themselves. I’m thinking that a reasonable consequence would be putting the kids in situations where they got to know students and families of other colors and their stories. Initially they should hear how students of color were impacted by their photo. In addition, there should also be long term plans to put the white kids face to face, and elbow to elbow, with the group of people that they are so relationally far enough away from right now that they have no problem dehumanizing them. I think the parents and siblings of the kids should be involved, too. Paradigms are not formed in a vacuum.
Parenting special needs kids (and some who I didn’t form and shape from birth) makes me aware that there are not always ignorant, racist parents behind some kids, but involving families will never hurt.
Proactive Education to Prevent Racism in Schools
Systemically, it would be appropriate for Harford County Public Schools to implement some kind of diversity education. At 85% white (more white than the average across Maryland and the US), it should be obvious that education to combat prejudice and racism is a necessity. Students need to have their paradigms challenged and stretched. They need to learn how to think outside their racist boxes. [6].