I’ve heard countless parents say, “I refuse to be a short-order cook.” Currently, with eight or nine mouths to feed, I don’t have the time to be a short-order cook either. It’s also almost impossible to fix something that everyone wants to eat. And also, because we have kids with trauma and food insecurities, we can’t say, “Eat it or go hungry.” And also, you can’t make your kids eat even though we know they need to.

So what’s a parent to do?

We rely a lot on modular or deconstructed meals. These provide healthy options for everyone that they have control over and can make into something even the pickiest eaters will want to eat. Here are four ideas of simple meals that will make even your picky eaters happy.

Tacos or Nachos

I provide tortillas, taco shells, scoop chips, and rice or lettuce as a base. For toppings, I set out shredded cheese, sour cream, cooked ground meat, black beans, avocado, and salsa. I also try to have bacon pieces on hand because bacon makes everything better

From here the possibilities are endless. They can make a rice bowl, salad, traditional hard or soft tacos, or nachos. Even if they only pile on only one ingredient, they won’t die.

Baked Potato Bar

I provide baked Yukon gold and sweet potatoes. For toppings, I set out butter, caramelized onions, chopped avocado, broccoli, shredded cheese, sour cream, bacon pieces, and leftover chili (if I have it).

Again, even if there’s only one ingredient your pickiest eater will eat, they won’t die.

Omelets

This one is a bit more time-consuming, but a family favorite. I try to chop all the fillings and take orders before I start cooking. A good quality, truly non-stick pan will make this dinner less frustrating as well. Another hint is to add a tablespoon of water for each egg you’re scrambling for extra fluffy eggs.

Our favorite fillings are caramelized onions, green peppers, bacon, mushroom, broccoli, spinach, salsa, and cheese.

If your kid only eats an egg with cheese or only eats a handful of toppings sans egg, it will be okay.

[bctt tweet=”If your kid only eats an egg with cheese or only eats a handful of toppings sans egg, it will be okay.” username=”corkboardblog”]

Stir Fry or Fried Rice

I provide rice and lo mein or glass noodles, sauce, stir-fried veggies, and a meat or two. If you’re feeling fancy, throw in a chopped Asian salad kit.

The kids fix themselves the parts they like and leave the parts they don’t.

If you have a deconstructed meal idea, join our free community to share your idea.

Food is one of the hot topics that comes up often on adoption forums and in support groups. Because kids from hard places often need control to feel safe (remember that ‘feel’ is different than ‘be’), it’s important to pick and choose your battles. If a family does not choose to let their child(ren) feel felt control in some areas, they will find themselves fighting many more battles (and maybe some that are a lot less pleasant like toileting).

Here’s our family’s food policy:

Who and What: Each child needs to eat what resembles about 3 meals a day and a snack or two. Each meal has to have a protein and 2 meals have to have a full serving of a vegetable (with one being a green one). Everyone (except my dairy free little guy) has to have a glass of milk a day, too.

When: There are general meal times but I’m pretty flexible on this. Sometimes a rolling meal time is easier since there are so many of us and our kitchen is small. We do sit down for family dinners as often as our schedule allows.

Where: We have a couple designated eating areas–kitchen island, dining room table, living room coffee table.

How: Everyone except our youngest is capable of fixing what they want to eat. Our oldest independent food-fixer started at a mature 8-years-old. The other kids or I still serve our not-so-mature 7-year-old. I cook meat in large quantities and keep the fridge and pantry stocked with lots of staples. The kids are allowed to use the stove, toaster oven, and microwave as long as there is an adult home. Occasionally, I make smoothies, omelets or potstickers by request.

Why: When our big kids came home, I tried to control what everyone was eating and make everyone conform to what I was cooking. I was constantly annoyed at the complaining and who wasn’t eating my cooking. Additionally, as our honeymoon ended and we spent more and more days in crisis, I couldn’t keep up with cooking and relied on the kids more and more to fend for themselves. How we operate now is so much less stressful for everyone and allows those that need a modified diet to have one without making me crazy.

FAQs

What if my kid has <<insert food>> at every lunch and dinner? 

As long as there is a protein and veggie involved, they’ll be fine. I have a kid who eats pasta and a half a cucumber at the majority of his meals. Do I wish he would branch out? Yes. Is it the end of the world? No. We eat out at ethnic restaurants periodically and he does a good job of trying new foods in those situations. By the time he’s an adult, he’ll probably be better exposed that most of his peers. I just remind myself of that every time I’m tempted to ream him out for going through another box of spaghetti single-handedly.

Do your kids take supplements? 

Most of them take them regularly. We’re using mostly supplements from a wellness company* because they are sources from whole foods. Two of our most challenging kids take high doses of high quality liquid fish oil from Vitacost. Besides a general multi, we also try to be regular about using a probiotic.

*If you’d like a sample of the supplements or want to know which ones we use, send me a message.

What kinds of things do your kids make?

Creations with meat, tortillas, bread, pasta, cheese, sauce, sour cream and cream cheese. Most of the kids will eat steamed edamame and roasted seaweed. We also stock frozen peas, cucumbers, carrots, and cole slaw mix (which we use like salad because it keeps longer).

What counts as protein? 

Meat, nuts, dairy, and edamame.

What special diets do you guys have going on?

Ty (our 7 year old) and I are mostly grain and dairy free. Our 13-year-old is completely grain free. Both of those guys eat completely clean (no artificial preservatives, colors, or flavors), and I’m trying to move our entire family closer to that as well.

Why not just require them to eat what you make or go hungry?

For kids with a history of hunger or trauma, ultimatums result in ugly control battles. Ours would seriously go hungry or start sneaking and stealing food they did want. They would also not see us as people who could be trusted to feed them which would distrust all the way down the line.

If you’re in a similar boat to us, I’d love to know what’s worked for you or to answer any additional questions for how this idea can work for your family.