I struggled with what to write when these pictures came up in my flashback (a.k.a. never got around to being edited and shared) file. The emotions evoked when viewing these photos are hard to accept and raw. Instead of affection, I feel resentment. Instead of joy, I feel immense sadness. Friends, our family is battle weary and tired.

Grace currently isn’t living with us. Many have sympathized with what a hard decision that must have been. Can I be completely honest without being judged? It’s had hard moments, but generally we are relieved to have a break from the constant barrage of aggressive, maladaptive behaviors. Trauma was once defined to me as the consistent feeling of not being able to control a situation. By that definition, we all (including Grace) had been living in a persistent state of trauma for almost 3 years. We all (including Grace) need a breather. We can break the hypervigilance we were all living day in and day out by having Grace temporarily live in a safe place that’s not with us. In this arrangement, she will not need to be hypervigilant about how she’s being treated in relation to her siblings, AND her siblings will not need to be hypervigilant about whether or not they will be the target of her next tirade.

To be clear, we love Grace, are continuing to coordinate and participate in her care needs, have frequent contact with her, and are working with her therapist to make this a successful and healing respite. We recognize in our heads we are battling against trauma not a child and are begging our hearts to follow suit.

I debated on whether or not this was an appropriate post to share.
“Hi, my name is Melissa, and I’m an over-sharer.”

I decided it was important because I hear from too many families that they were convinced they were alone in their hardness before chatting with me OR that they had no idea that adoption could be this hard–even after the dozens of hours of required agency training. Part of stewarding our childrens’ stories well is protecting what is theirs. However, part of stewarding our family’s story well is that it be shared so that our suffering may not be in vain because there’s a chance that it could help another family not feel alone or be better prepared before bringing trauma kids into their home.

Back to the lighter, regularly (or not-so-regularly)-scheduled  Foto Flashback Friday next time.

Last fall, the Tall Ships were back in the Baltimore Harbor for the 200th Anniversary of the writing of the Star Spangled Banner.

We spent multiple days trying to see the Blue Angels practicing AND see the sailors dancing amongst the sails. #FAIL on both accounts. Of course, Patrick would just happen to look out his window and see a Blue Angel flying by minutes after we had left the city…BOTH DAYS.

On the plus side, we got photos with the fakest smiles ever. CHEESE!

With 6 kids and 2 drivers, we obviously have to be selective to which extracurricular activities we commit. While saying, “no” to the kids can be hard (especially in today’s culture), it has forced everyone to really examine where their giftings, passions, and talents lie.

Last  year, Grace tried out hip hop. It turns out she enjoys running and working out on her own more.

Then, there’s this girl. Because she loves life and will try anything, it’s been hard to say “no” to things like ice skating and gymnastics. However, really, she lives for dancing and being on stage. God gifted her with uncanny flexibility and breath-taking grace.

Well, to all of our surprise, Grace made it home last Friday and was able to spend her birthday (Saturday) at home. She’s been working hard to keep herself hydrated and get her lung capacity back.

Physically, she’s having a remarkable recovery. Not surprising, she is up and down emotionally, but that’s normal for her.
We’ve been blown away by the support and love shown by friends, family, and, frankly, strangers.

True to form, life has thrown a set of curve balls (never just one) which we will, of course, turn into home runs because sometimes drama is really a blessing in disguise. Besides open heart surgery for our most anxious child, my sister will be moving in temporarily 4 days before surgery. While this will certainly cause more chaos (she’s 8 months pregnant), the extra hands and distraction for the kids will be welcome. My second self (a great friend we recently hired to help me teach and do Grafted work) just found out she needs semi-emergency oral surgery which is scheduled for the day before Grace’s surgery. The good news is I have a second self, so I really can’t complain. There’s also another blessing in disguise in which child has to have surgery–she’s going to get the undivided attention she demands. We’re hoping this intense period of being cared for will outweigh the medical trauma and catalyst her to securer attachment and trust. There are a lot of developmental gaps that have made processing this trying at best. We’re thankful for EMDR which has helped Grace’s ability to process all of the emotions surrounding this even feasible.

So the practicals. I’m blown away at the response I’ve gotten from those of you who know about the surgery. I’ve said it before, but we are surrounded by the best community…ever!

Pray. Most of you reading don’t know us in real life, but your prayers are powerful, and we appreciate any you want to send our way. I’ll be updating FB, Twitter, and, hopefully, here as the saga unfolds.

Meals. There will be anywhere from 9 to 12 people eating here at any given time over the next couple of weeks. That’s a lot of people for whom to make a meal, and half have weird food restrictions. The best I can suggest is that you bring what you feel led to whenever it’s convenient. I suggest versatile separates (cooked meat, veggies, fruit, and dairy elements) rather than casseroles or pre-made meals. However, no matter what you bring, someone will eat it. The truth is, my kids are used to fending for themselves and creating what they can eat using whatever is available. There will be a cooler on the porch if we’re not home.

Kids. For the week of surgery, we’re really covered. Seriously. I’m just not sure what to expect once we get home. We could have a lethargic invalid which would allow us to all function as normal (like real “normal”…not just our “normal”) which would be a huge treat, OR we could have World War 3 in which case the diva will need constant attention from me or some willing friend. I’m just not sure but praying for the former. If you’d like to be “on call” to come sit with kids or taxi kids around the week of re-entry, just let me know.

Well I think that about covers it…those of you who have done this, did I miss anything?

Below you will find booklists for the week and this is a link to a OneNote notebook with all of the weekly lesson plans thus far. The cool thing about using OneNote is that it will update dynamically as I add stuff and make changes. For you visual folks, it will give you a snapshot of the entire week including a materials shopping list.

NOTES:

• If you do not have a Microsoft account, you can use the following to sign in
  to the notebook
  Email: ccplans@outlook.com
  Password: WeeklyPlans (Case Sensitive)
• These activities are designed for my children who are ages 6 to 15.
• Our CC day is Monday so my columns are labelled accordingly. You will need to adjust as necessary for your schedule.
• A CC Connected membership is required for many of the resources.
• Activities marked with a “+” are for older children and/or Essentials students.
• Each child is keeping a notebook that is preloaded with many resources and will collect their paperwork through the year.
• For extra review, we find songs on CC Connected for every piece of memory work and play them while we drive around.
• For extra resources, follow me on Pinterest.
• I also have a downloadable Excel planner here.

I don’t need dessert…it’s not my business.
A major learning theme this year is to worry about yourself (in terms of tattling, etc.)  This is really hard for hypervigilant kids.

A tissue!
Better known as “ACHOO!” in English.

May I shoot cheese?
Or “shred.”

You were ticklish me!!!

Did you/Will you picture me?
No joke.  We correct this EVERY DAY.

Are those chips? No. But you are chipsing them!

I am having New Jersey tomorrow.
Or “surgery.”

Did you go mooney day?
This took a while to detangle, but the question should have been, “Did you go on a honeymoon?”

That test my inroastins.
Apparently the Ethiopian equivalent to “You get on my nerves” is “You roast my intestines.”  Sometimes it doesn’t quite come out right.

My face is watering.
Or “sweating.”

What’s called? French rice? Ride frice?
Or “fried rice.”

Can I eat adopt?
Yeah, this was an interesting conversation.  Turns out she wanted to eat “a date.”

Pass me diet.
Or “dice.”

I will just cute.
Or “quit.”

Those were from 2 belt tests ago in February.

BELT UPDATE
Patrick, Melissa, PJ–Red
Mia–Blue
Ty–Little Dragon Purple
John, Kayla–Green
Grace–Orange

WP 20130329 011406Z from Melissa Dunn Corkum on Vimeo.

I wish the audio was clearer for what she was saying but the main point is that she is using voice control with the “deregulated child.” Patrick’s voice is loud and clear so you can get an idea of the kinds of things our kids spout out when they are de-regulated.

WP 20130329 012549Z from Melissa Dunn Corkum on Vimeo.

This drama played out over the course of at least 30 minutes. When our kids de-regulate, this can be the scene for hours. The last scene had us rolling.

WP 20130329 012622Z from Melissa Dunn Corkum on Vimeo.

Grace suddenly popped up and announced she was “sick of this.” She had gotten a taste of her own medecine and it was bitter going down. The following line, which I actually missed recording, was, “If I act like that, I am dumb and crazy.”
Besides being extreme comical relief for our family, I think that whole session was therapeutic. She’s been much more secure and stable the past couple days. Here’s hoping it’s not just a coincidence.