I started off as a pretty patient mom. With each additional child we added to our family, my patience decreased. By the time we had six kids, four through adoption with complex trauma and high needs, my husband was telling me I was the meanest person he knew.
I knew something needed to change. I wanted to be more patient. I would promise myself each night, “Tomorrow will be different.” But then tomorrow never was.
It turns out I was appealing to the wrong part of my brain. If you’ve been around for a while, you know I love brain science. Just as a quick review, the lower part of your brain includes the part that manages your emotions and logic happens in the pre-frontal cortex…the upstairs brain.
I was thinking a lot about patience and knew in my thinking brain I needed more of it, but that wasn’t helping my downstairs brain that didn’t feel any more patient each morning.
When I started caring for the downstairs part of my brain, I noticed that my window of tolerance increased along with the amount of patience I had. I was able to respond to my kids instead of react.
You’re probably wondering, “How do I care for the downstairs part of my brain?”
Three things made the biggest difference:
- Movement. I’ve mentioned before that Repetition + Rhythm + Relationship = Regulation for our kids and the same is true for ourselves.[bctt tweet=”Repetition + Rhythm + Relationship = Regulation for our kids and the same is true for ourselves.” username=”corkboardblog”]
- Therapeutic listening via the Safe and Sound Protocol. This protocol uses specially filtered music to send cues of safety to our nervous system and creates permanent shifts in how we experience the world. It helps you feel less irritable and overwhelmed. It helps you think more clearly. And it helps you connect more openly.
- Aromatherapy. Our sense of smell gives us direct access to the limbic system. Biochemistry tells us what smells will send cues of regulation and psychology tells us that we can also anchor a specific scent to the safe and grounded state provided by the Safe and Sound Protocol.
As I wove these pieces into my daily practice, I started finding my way back to the mom and person I wanted to be. I’ve been dreaming about how to offer this gift to other parents, and I’m ready to launch The Regulation Rescue.
If you want to increase your patience and regulation or just be in a really good place before school lets out for the summer, click here to apply to join the next cohort of The Regulation Rescue.
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If you're anything like me, you get to the end of the day and feel like all you did was yell at kids. Most of the items on your to-do list remain unchecked. You wish you had more patience, and you wish you could focus enough to accomplish something. Anything.
I also have a child who is easily distracted and the definition of impulsive. I feel like I spend all day repeating, "Stop and think," "Focus!" "Stop! WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?!?!"
As a parent coach, I can't stay in this state. Not that anyone would want to, but, for me, especially, it feels horribly hypocritical.
So is there a way to go from stressed and grumpy to peaceful and content? A way to go from frantic and harried to focused and productive?
I can't magically change your life, but I can suggest these 2 easy changes that are saving our life right now.
Easy Change #1
Give everyone Copaiba. Derived from the bark of a South American tree, Copaiba helps to calm and soothe the nervous system. It has a higher concentration of the chemical that makes CBD oil all the rage in a way that directly affects your brains receptors. CBD oil can only indirectly affect them. Additionally, Copaiba is a powerful antioxidant and supports many other systems of your body.
I prefer to take a drop under my tongue while Ty prefers I apply it topically to his skin. We're attempting to do this every 2 hours. I have to set an alarm on my phone.
Click here to schedule a quick appointment to find out how to get Copaiba for free in July.
Easy Change #2
Practice mindfulness. Just 10 minutes a day. This simple ritual alters our brains to respond, rather than react, and increases focus and cognition. There are some physical benefits, too. Seriously. What more could you want? (Don't answer that, since it can't cook or clean.)
So how does one practice mindfulness for 10 minutes a day? That's what I asked, too. I found a great app for me called Potential Project. For kids, we love Stop, Breathe & Think KIDS.
I prefer to get my 10 minutes knocked out in the morning. I'm trying to get Ty to do the app a couple times a day because it's something else I can use to keep him occupied.
Starting new habits--even simple ones--can be hard, so I've created a free visual schedule that you can print out and hang up to help you get started.
