We figure once we put out the fire, meet our kids’ needs, and correct them until we’re sure they’re not going to jail, THEN we can take care of ourselves. After all, cherish this time with your kids, these years fly by…right?!?!
While the years may be short, the days are long. And if we don’t fill up our own buckets, we may not be around to enjoy the latter years. Okay, that may be a little dramatic. But seriously, have you seen the statistics on what stress does to the body [1]?
If we put our kids first, we end up with a tippy, unstable pyramid that falls apart at any little bump in the road.
Instead, we need to build a solid foundation that starts with ourselves. After all, we can only control ourselves.
Spa days seem to be the first words associated with self-care. Or maybe a lazy day with a good book by the fire.
Often self-care is elusive and feels like one. more. thing. to squeeze in.
I’d argue self-care needs to be our #1 priority as parents. Choose things that leave you feeling energized even if they are harder to start.
[bctt tweet=”Self-care needs to be our #1 priority as parents. Choose things that leave you feeling energized even if they are harder to start. #momhack” username=”corkboardblog”]
I used to think binge-watching Hallmark was a good self-care option, but while it’s easy to do…mindless even…I don’t always feel like being a better mom when I’m finished.
On the other hand, a brisk walk or 10-minute yoga practice requires a bit more self-discipline on the front end but leaves me feeling like I can conquer the world…or at least be a connected parent.
I talked with Jamie Finn of Foster the Family Blog on the Real Mom Podcast last week about self-care also being about letting go of certain expectations and cultural pressures to be more and do more.
One tangible example around this time of year is Christmas cards. I love creating them and receiving them, but doing hard copies this year felt overwhelming. So I compromised with myself and used Paperless Post to create a really fun card I could distribute with a couple clicks rather than sitting for an hour licking envelopes. (You can see the finished product here.)
If you didn’t send Christmas cards, maybe try a New Year’s card or a mid-summer update?
What are the things that energize you?
]]>You’re exhausted and hopeless.
A lot of times, any attempt to directly address these behaviors leads to angry outbursts or even rages.
Your entire home may feel unstable and unpredictable. Maybe you always feel like you’re walking on eggshells.
Yesterday, during a FB Live in our parent support group, I shared how to create stability in your home and have your efforts finally start to gain traction.
After watching, Margaret said, “Yes! So true!”
Tereasa shared, “Yes! I totally agree our focus is off!”
Is your pyramid tippy or solid?
I think I discovered my new love language—a weekend alone at home. (With 2 other extended family units living on the other side of the kitchen, I’m not technically “alone,” but I have no humans for whom I am responsible besides moi. This pseudo-alone situation also feeds my extrovertedness where I need other people, for whom I am NOT responsible, to get energy.)
Real quick. If you don’t know your love language, click here to find out.
I’ve done plenty of weekends away, but this home alone thing has been a whole new kind of awesome. Hubby took the kids out of town for the long weekend to help his parents get settled in their new house. I stayed behind having already scheduled a bunch of dōTERRA events in an effort to finish Diamond Club and the month of May with a bang. Despite having some pre-scheduled work appointments, I’ve read, graded papers, purged, organized, socialized, blogged, and cleaned. Yup, CLEANED! And the weekend isn’t even over yet. If you know me, I never clean. I’ve hated cleaning for as long as I can remember (ask my mom and the neighbors who had to endure my feet tantruming against their walls because of cleaning…#rowhouseliving), but there’s something about a house staying clean for more than 2 minutes that a little bit redeems the act of having to clean. Not being grossed out to sit on your own toilet is just icing on the cake.
[bctt tweet=”Not being grossed out to sit on your own toilet is just icing on the cake. #parenting” username=”corkboardblog”]
While I’ve always preached that self-care is crucial (I even have a published devotional on it), I think I leveled up in self-care this weekend which is great because I’m kind of getting tired of my PTSD, compassion fatigued, grumpy* self.
*Grumpy is the word I prefer but my better half tells me I’m the meanest person he knows. #truelove
I had started outlining a self-care plan for the summer that included pretty doing only things I love and very little adulting. I think I will still proceed as planned because who doesn’t want a summer of Korean food, dancing, and cheesy inspirational fiction? But I may need to figure out how to arrange this extended-time-to-myself-in-my-house situation on a more regular basis. If I think about it, this new love language actually makes a ton of sense. My primary love language is strongly Acts of Service. What better way to love myself than to do acts of service for myself off of my eternal to-do list?
[bctt tweet=”Summer self-care = pretty doing only things I love and very little adulting.” username=”corkboardblog”]
The only thing that could have made this weekend better would’ve have been a long massage. #mentalnotefornexttime #myotherlovelanguageisphysicaltouch.
What is your idea of a perfect weekend of self-care?
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Two words. Self. Care.
The following is an excerpt from my contribution to Adopted for Daily Life: A Devotional For Adopting Moms
ASIDE: If you’re an adoptING or an adoptIVE mama, I highly encourage you to get your own copy. Besides, the proceeds go toward a great cause.
Shortly after we brought home our son from Korea in 2009, we realized that the parenting techniques we used on our bio kids fell tragically short of meeting the needs of a child from a hard place. Fortunately, we became immersed in a therapeutic method called trust-based parenting. While the principles outlined in trust-based parenting have literally saved our family from disruption and destruction, they are H.A.R.D. to carry out daily and require immense amounts of patience and compassion from the parents (you and me). In the lowest part of our journey, God was gracious enough to show me that the missing piece was my self-care. Our children constantly rely on us to keep their endless anxieties at bay and regulate their emotions along with all the other typical food-shelter requirements. This requires us to be “on” all the time we’re with them. If you are with your kids full-time as I am (and even if you’re not), this is an impossibly tall order that can only be fulfilled if we take the time to care for ourselves spiritually, mentally, and physically. After all, we’re only human, too.
The words that echoed in my spirit as I began to give myself permission to care for myself (even if it meant pawning my kids off on family and neighbors at a frequency well outside of my comfort zone), were, “You are precious.” I felt Him reassuring me that being a “good” parent did not include detrimental self-sacrifice. Somewhere along the lines I had picked up a subconscious, self-imposed requirement that I should be physically present with my kids as much as possible. Ironically, boxing myself in like that had made me a grouchy, crabby mama that my kids really didn’t want to be around anyway. I had falsely figured that to care for myself meant my kids would take a back seat and visa versa when, in truth, we are all precious. No back seat necessary.
[bctt tweet=”We are all precious. No back seat necessary. #selfcare “]
For other tips and encouragement for finding your self-care groove check out:
Self-Care | The Missing Piece of Trust-based Parenting
Preserving Me Time: My Path to Sanity
