I apologize in advance if you’re not as excited about alliteration as I am.
1. Touch tactics. Instead of yelling from across the room, get your child’s attention by making physical contact. Then, with him looking you in the eye, make your request (i.e., brush your teeth, clean up your toys, etc.). While this won’t guarantee he’ll do it, it ensures that he at least heard you. After all, knowing is half the battle.
2. Reinforce with repetition, redo, review, rehearsal, and roleplaying. If you really want to make sure your request was heard, have your child repeat it back to you. Before or instead of a consequence for a negative behavior, have your child redo the situation using the appropriate behavior. For example, you may have her show gentle touching if hitting was involved or ask again using a non-whiny or more repsectful voice. Review appropriate behavior and expectations often. I often run a quick rehearsal in the car before we head to the library or store. We practice what correct responses are for situations I know can be problems. Our conversation may go something like this:
Me: We’re heading to the library. Can you tell me what what appropriate library behavior is?
Kids: Walking, not-yelling.
Me: Yup. Chasing is also not an option. We have 15 minutes to get books and movies. When my watch beeps and I tell you it’s time to go, I don’t want to hear whining. What will you say when it’s time to go?
Kids: Yes, mommy.
If whining commences when I announce our departure, a gentle reminder of what we rehearsed usually helps. Roleplay appropriate obedience, respectfulness, and other repsonses when playing with train, dolls, and other toys.
3. Mean what you say and follow through. This may seem obvious but exaggeration comes so easily to me that I can often use it with my kids. The problem is that they see it as lying–not exaggeration. This may require a combination of following through more and threatening less.
4. Make friends with your watch. I have this one friend teases me because my watch is forever beeping for one thing or another. I have to set it to remind me to take Mia to school and to remind me to pick up. It’s not that I forget, I just lose track of time. I also use the timer feature often. If I say, “We’re leaving in 10 minutes,” or “This is your 5-minute warning,” I want to mean what I say. So I set my watch timer to keep me honest. It also gives the kids a better understanding of time since I’m pretty consistent. I also use it for sharing situations. If two kids want one toy, I set my timer for 2 to 5 minutes and they know when they hear the watch beep, it’s time to switch. They know the watch is much more reliable than Mom so it makes the waiting easier.
What works with your kids?
