Dear Anonymous Letter-Writer,
Thanks for taking the time to care so much about the appearance of our house that you would come to us and approach us in a neighborly matter to find out what was really going on–oh wait, you didn’t. Thanks for making assumptions about how much we care about our property value and being so bold as to assume we wouldn’t use our back porch if we had one. Thanks for waiting 3 years to finally care about us so much to bring this issue to our attention. We are so very sorry that we do not live up to the standards that the previous owner set. We are even sorrier that you live in a neighborhood that does not allow us to have the storage facility we need to help keep our property to your standards. It is so unfortunate that a family with young children and live-in extended family would have much more stuff than the single person who occupied the home before us. We are so sorry that you have to drive by our home every day and be so disappointed in us. Clearly, the other thousand or so cars that drive by our house every week are as distressed as you about the current state of our porch because we get hundreds of anonymous letters every day stating as such–oh wait, it was just yours.
If you would like to make yourself useful, you can do us a huge favor and step in to fight the current battle we fight concerning storage sheds. We would then be happy to comply with your request. It has actually been on our to do list for quite some time to clear off our porch but the HOA won’t let us. Of course you would not know that because you didn’t bother to really find out what’s going on before you wrote your letter.