Transracial Adoption and Charlottesville

charlottesville

Of the 14 people that have lived in our house over the last decade, only 3 are White. The rest are Black or Asian or some combination.

I’ve experienced forms of racism and discrimination for as long as I can remember, and I’m Asian living near a fairly diverse metropolitan area. I know that the reality is harder in less diverse areas and for Black males. That’s probably an understatement.

Both of the Black males who have lived under our roof have had to stare the ugliness of racism in the face. One of our sons experienced it within 18 months of being in America IN. A. CHURCH! #christianfail

As transracial adoptive families, we have a unique position in light of Charlottesville. We have white privilege, but also understand how racism and bigotry is still alive and well. We are a bridge between two worlds.

As transracial adoptive families...we are a bridge between 2 worlds. #racism #charlottesville Click To Tweet

It pains me to see adoptive families scrubbing their Facebook friends lists based on folks’ reaction (or non-reaction) to defining events such as Charlottesville. It’s not so much about the friend list, but more that I hypothesize that they are also probably scrubbing their list of in-real-life friends as well.

Friends, if we, with our ability to speak into and for both worlds, don’t stand in the gap, who will?

photo credit | Allison Zaucha

photo credit | Allison Zaucha

Our 6’4” Black, city boy is not going to get an audience with any white person who needs a come-to-Jesus moment about racism. Honestly, I may not because I forget I am not seen as white as I feel #wholeotherblogpost. But you, white adoptive parent…you may get an audience.

Everyone has a story worth hearing. These broken people who have grown to believe that they are better than everyone else. They have a story, too. If you listen to their story, they may listen to yours.

Aside: Everyone should watch this Brene Brown video.

And as I quoted after the Baltimore riots, from the wise Dr. Karyn Purvis, what is “harmed in relationship…will come to experience healing in relationship.”[1]

The only way I’ve overcome my ignorance about people (culture, race, special needs) is to have relational experiences that beat down my preconceived notions. It’s so much harder to keep lies alive when the truth keeps worming its way into your heart. And the only way to reach people’s hearts is through Jesus and relationship.

Facebook posts might help you get something off your chest, but they aren’t solving anything. They aren’t convincing anyone. In fact, they are just drawing battle lines.

(The irony of how I’m communicating this manifesto isn’t lost on me. But in my defense, I’ve had this conversation in person already a couple times and plan on many more.)

This isn’t a battle. It’s relationship trauma.

This isn’t a battle. It’s relationship trauma. #charlottesville Click To Tweet

Trust-based Relational Intervention (TBRI), the clinically researched method that brings hurting people to healing, would tell us to figure out how to stay on the same side. Not on everything, but on something. Gardening. Ice Cream. Flip flops year round. Anything.

Find a point of connection and move forward from there.

This won’t be easy. In fact, I guarantee it will be hard. Hurt (adj) people hurt (v) people, so you will probably get hurt.

I will need every mindfulness and self-calming tool in the book to not burn bridges if someone tells me he is concerned with the “slow replacement of white heritage within the United States.”[2] #heavenhelpusall

But that young, ignorant whipper snapper is not going to be transformed by our Facebook feeds. He will need a powerful relationship encounter with someone he trusts…who maybe loves the same ice cream flavor as him.

So, what say you? Can we do the hard thing to change the world for our kids?

Posted in Adoption and Orphan Care, Life and tagged , , .