Connecting with your adopted teen is a tricky balance. Developmentally, they may be pulling away. Preparing for independence. But if you adopted them as older children, you’re also trying to build attachment and show they can rely on you. Finding common ways to have fun will not only strengthen your bond but is also the...
Category: Adoption and Orphan Care
Free Resources for Exploring Issues of Race
I sit in an unusual position. I have white privilege because of my parents, but experience racism. There are also four black humans on this planet whom I’ve mothered under my roof–two of them are now men. The conversations the greater public has during times such as these are not conversations our family has the...
When Words Hurt Like Sticks and Stones
Whoever said, “Sticks and stone can break my bones, but words can never hurt me,” lied. When one of our kids says something that just gets under my skin and pushes all my buttons, I’m quick to defend myself. Sometimes words hurt more than the physical aggression. “You never do anything for me!” My primary...
How to Overcome Post-Adoption PTSD from Child on Parent Violence
I live with PTSD. It’s one of the prices we paid when we adopted. It’s something that’s tricky to talk about because I don’t want to throw my kids under the bus. Their hurt and trauma are not their fault. However, child on parent violence is a real thing. And there are definitely not enough...
13 Practical Ways to Increase Felt Safety
Lack of felt safety is one of the five reasons kids misbehave. So what is felt safety? Our nervous systems have an instinct called “neuroception.” This is how we unconsciously distinguish whether situations or people are safe, dangerous, or life-threatening. When our kids have experienced chronic stress or have differences in their brain function, like...
What Every Family Needs
Actually, I should say, “Who.” Meet Andrea. She regularly kicks her friends (who are foster parents) out, tells them they can’t home any earlier than 10 PM, and asks for nothing in return. She notices needs like a worn out pack ‘n play and has the Amazon fairy deliver a new one. She gifts bags...
When the Popular Compromise Can Backfire and What To Do Instead
When parents feel like they are constantly butting heads with their child, we often talk about using parenting tools that help our kids feel like we’re on their team. One popular way is to collaborate with our kids using a compromise. We’ve told our kids repeatedly, “When we tell you to do something, you may...
When Giving Real Thanks Is Hard
When you’re raising a child with extremely challenging behaviors, it can be hard to face a holiday all about giving thanks. Sure, we can all find small gratitudes each day. We have food to eat. We only called the police once last week. The sun came out today. But what about deep gratitude for the...