If your adoption is obvious (i.e, trans-racial) and even if it’s not, you will probably get countless ignorant questions and stupid comments. I know these really get under some parents skin but, let’s be honest, it comes with the territory. Although it doesn’t excuse them, they really are to be expected. So why are we always so shocked when someone opens their mouth and should insert their foot instead of letting words flow out?
Never take for granted how much time you’ve spent educating yourselves about adoption and the currently P.C. language. Doctors don’t belittle us when we explain our maladies in layman’s terms just as we get a lot of grace from our car mechanic as we clumsily describe the clunking, clicking, and squeaking of that thing that might be under the…what’s it called again…oh yeah…hood. Believe it or not, you may have been as ignorant as the guilty commentator before you seriously started considering adoption. You may just not have had an opportunity to demonstrate it.
Quite frankly if we ever expect things to change, we need to take all the energy we use being annoyed at ignorant, nosey people, and start educating on adoption language and just plain common courtesy. Besides most people don’t intend to be rude, they are just so at a loss for words, that dumb ones come out. It’s like not knowing what to say to someone at a funeral parlor or in any other awkward situation that’s way outside of your knowledge and/or comfort zone. Sometimes the panic of not knowing what is ok to say leads to bumbling idiocity.
Let’s exercise a little grace and help others understand our perspective.