But tell it well.
There seems to be this tendency among adoptive families to sell adoption to others. We become used-car sales people of sorts…highlighting the highlights and ignoring the struggles. I guess we think that if we are honest with the challenges no one would ever want to adopt.
While I’m a huge proponent of promoting adoption, I want families to have a realistic idea of what they’re getting into. The experts say that families who had realistic expectations going into adoption had much better attitudes about adoption many years later than families who viewed adoption through rose-colored glasses. That means that families who knew about sleepless nights and attachment disorders still pursued adoption and were even glad they did it!
You will probably have lots of opportunities to answer questions about your adoption or to tell your story. Remember to represent both sides of the adoption dichotomy.
Here are some real life questions/comments I’ve got and responses I’ve considered. I try to have the “in between” be the thing that comes out.
Question: Did you love your adoptive child right away like your biological children?
Used car salesman: Absolutely. How could I not?
Glass half empty: Not really. It was really hard to like him. I’m still not sure I do.
The in between: The bonding process was definitely different. It’s hard to bond and discipline at the same time. I would’ve died for him the first day he came home, but it took a while for the “fuzzy feelings” to kick in.
Comment: It seems like so much work to adopt. I’m not sure I could do it.
Used car salesman: Sure you could. It’s a breeze and you hardly notice all the work since you know you’ll get a beautiful baby at the end of the road.
Glass half empty: The process sucks. I hate that it takes so much work to just help a kid but any idiot can go birth a baby.
The in between: The process can be daunting sometimes. We chose to just take one step at a time or it felt too overwhelming. We had great support from our social worker and other adoptive families who helped us walk through it. It was well worth it to bring our baby home. If you ever adopt, you’ll have me to get you through the process.
Question: How’s your adopted child doing/adjusting?
Used car salesman: We’re all great! Adoption rocks!
Glass half empty: He’s really rocked our world. You should really think twice before you adopt.
The in between: He’s making a lot of progress but it’s a long journey. We’re really blessed by the friends who have supported us since he’s been home.
Question: We’re thinking about adopting an older/special needs child. Can you tell me about your experience?
Used car salesman: Awesome. You’ll love it. We’ve had a great experience.
Glass half empty: Do you think you can handle that? Take it from me, you have no idea how it will change your life and how much you’ll have to sacrifice. What about your other kids?
The in between: I won’t lie. It’s been a challenging road at times but I wouldn’t trade it for the world. There are so many great resources out there that have helped us a lot. I’d love to share them with you. It’s really stretched us as a family but God has been so faithful in providing the grace we need. We’ve learned so much through our journey.
You get the idea. Tell your story well.