For us, the hardest part of adoption is not the actual parenting a child from a hard place. Although that certainly has not been easy. For us, we’re lucky to get through our home study in one piece. If we can get past that, it seems like smooth sailing from there.
I know I’ve said it here before but just to clarify, I’m Type A. My spiritual gift is administration.
I don’t know what other Types there are but I do know that Patrick is not Type A. He’s also a procrastinator who works best under pressure.
Enter a hugely administrative task with no real deadline.
Yeah…
I’ll sheepishly admit, I did not see it coming when our personalities collided over Ty’s home study causing the biggest ugliest battle of our marriage. Yup, our biggest battle was over signing forms.
Lessons learned (that I’m trying to remember this time around):
- Walk into each stage of your adoption with your eyes wide open and with realistic expectations about how each of you will handle it in light of your personalities. For example, I’m not fully aware that I love to do things NOW because I hate stuff hanging over my head. Patrick waits for LATER (much later) until there’s a deadline that has backed him into a corner. No amount of nagging or negotiating is going to change that or get the work done any faster, but it will cause ugly fights.
- God’s timing is perfect. So as much as I’m growing more gray hairs everyday because I’m waiting for him to feel enough pressure to write his 5 page autobiography while I watch families fly past us in the process, I’m sure the kids meant for us will still be there when we finally are paper ready.
- Comparing your process to others’ is guaranteed to make your adoption process 100 times more stressful. I have to try really hard to ignore that family who had their paperwork to the embassy quicker than we could just get our physical scheduled.
- If you’re the Type A one, layout everything your spouse needs to do, make it accessible and then trust it will get done…eventually. Ask permission up front to remind and maybe even agree on how often or exactly when you can nag gently remind.
Well I’m off so I can get back to waiting patiently. Stay tuned for when our paper work is complete because there will be a big party!
I found your blog off the homeschool lounge. lol oh my I soooo feel the same way. My hubby is going through school, and we've agreed that when he graduates and has a steady job we'll complete our homestudy to adopt. But oh my sometimes it is hard to see all the other people who've gone through the adoption class with you and are getting placements already. I have to be patient and trust he Lord has the right child waiting for us at just the right moment. Dh's also a paperwork procrastinator too 😀