Wouldn’t it be cool if in between Parallegal Studies and Philosophy in your local college catalogue, you could find Parenting? Why is it that we feel the need to educate on everything from Academic Literacy to Elder Care to Women’s Studies but we ignore the skill that is shaping the future of America the World?
I talked to a friend today who was feeling guilty for constantly asking for child rearing advice like she lacked an instinct that everyone else had inherently. She’s actually a nanny for a little boy. I reassured her that the only way she was going to learn was to ask and that parenting was a learned skill not an instinctive one. It is isn’t it?
I figure it’s kind of like cooking. While some folks seemed born to create culinary masterpieces, everyone can learn to cook at least the basics. Similar to parenting, cooking is best learned apprentice-style. (Actually most things are probably best learned that way.) But when was the last time you heard of a sous parent or a parent de partie? I think the closest to apprenticeships in parenting are babysitters and nannies.
Actually that’s wrong. We’ve all served parenting apprenticeships under our own parents (or whoever raised us). We observed and experienced years of parenting as it was played out in our lives and the lives of our siblings. I happened to be fortunate enough to admire my parents greatly and gleaned a lot of my parenting wisdom from them. But learning our parenting from our parents can be a risky thing. If a parent without a great parenting “toolbox” raises a bunch of kids, those kids leave home with less-than-adequate toolboxes, and so the cycle continues.
Probably we (parents) should all be perpetual students when it comes to parenting–seeking out advice from and surrounding ourselves with parents we admire and being proactive about educating ourselves through books, radio programs, and other media. Otherwise we become victims of the parenting cycle–good or bad.
I think it’s important to decide how you want to parent rather than parenting by habit or because “that’s the way I was raised.” The great thing? You can always decide to parent differently if what you’re doing isn’t working. So no pressure.
What about you? Have you (and your spouse) made a conscious decision on how to parent? Is it different than how you were parented? Where do you seek parenting resources (since it’s obviously not the local college)?
Excellent points. I think the same is true of some teachers. They teach as they were taught with no regard of what is really effective.
I also had excellent parents but still read and work to evaluate what I do and why I do it. The task is a lot more sobering when you are looking your little reflection in the eyes.
Excellent points. I think the same is true of some teachers. They teach as they were taught with no regard of what is really effective.
I also had excellent parents but still read and work to evaluate what I do and why I do it. The task is a lot more sobering when you are looking your little reflection in the eyes.