At the beginning of this month, I had really good intentions of doing a bunch of adoption posts since it is National Adoption Month. It turns out that keeping up with Grafted Families is almost a full time job and blogging has taken a back seat. Don’t be offended…my house has taken the trunk.
Anyway earlier this month I had the privilege of being apart of conversation about racism and adoption hosted by our adoption agency because I’m Korean (in case you forgot because sometime I do).
I went because I thought I might have some insight to offer and I was curious to pick up some pointers for raising Ty. I dragged my best friend along (who is also Korean and adopted). The biggest revelation of the night (for both of us)? Our biological kids are considered a minority. Duh. Because I’m Korean. I told you I forget sometimes.
Here are some other things that came up that I thought were important:
- As much as we might want to deny it, we have a race-conscious society (not read “racist” so not necessarily a bad thing).
- Families who are cross-cultural and cross-race have a responsibility to be proactive about educating themselves and those around them.
- One of the best things families can do is expose themselves to and befriend folks from multiple ethnicities, races, and cultures.
- Families cannot protect their children from racism but they can prepare them for when it happens. Proactivity versus denial.
- Children the power to take the sting out of racial comments if they are prepared with tools to handle the situation well. It doesn’t make the comments acceptable behavior but it keeps children from feeling victimized.
- Proactivity means it’s the parents responsibility to talk about race often, open, and honestly. Although it would be nice if children didn’t hide things from parents, they often hide experiences that revolve around their race.
It turns out my best friend and I hold some pretty controversial views on race and racial identity. Like we admit we think we’re white and are not insecure because we’re the minority and we laugh/shrug off offensive comments. Maybe it has to do with our personalities, maybe it’s because we’ve always had each other, maybe we’re totally naive…
I’d love to hear your thoughts…
Ah I see now why you think I'm black… Cuz you think you're white! All my black friends think I act white, and all my white friends think I act black. I consider myself multi cultural. My korean friends think I need to embrace my korean side more and learn korean fluently and go back to my country. LOL I'm proud to be well rounded and unique. I don't wanna be like everyone else. I see where you're coming from… I dont look in the mirror to see an asian/korean girl. I just see me. I get racist comments about being Asian all the time, usually from white people. Then to top it off… being married to a black guy? Koreans look at us funny, black people look at us funny, white people try not to look… LOL I have so much to say about this topic. But point blank, people are ignorant and uneducated. People will always be somewhat racist.
I love the word “celebrate” when it comes to teaching our children about diversity. God certainly created a rainbow of colors and cultures and I think it is something to be celebrated–not ignored or disliked. You're right, the key is that we love everyone the way God loves us. He looks at hearts, not skin color.
Sounds like a conversation any parent should go to, irregardless of adoption or not. Great points.
I wonder sometimes how to handle with my own children the fact that I am polish and have in my own childhood (and adulthood) had the misfortune of dealing with racist comments and how best to prepare them for that same situation.
And I completely agree we are a race-conscious society. I wouldn't have it any other way. The world's cultures are all so different and beautiful in their own ways and should be celebrated. I personally see it as honoring past ancestors (even those forgotten from thousands of years ago) when you celebrate your culture. And since you never know if and when another culture or race was in your family history, you really shouldn't hate another race because you could just be hating yourself.
I've been thinking to explain it to my children that God made us each as a race specific to an area of the world and environment to best benefit from and cope with that environment and that now we intermingle because we as a species can and that appreciating ourselves is an act of showing respect for how God designed us and that we should act the same way with other races because otherwise we judge some of God's work to be flawed. And who are we to question it? What do you think?