{#47} It's not about us

January’s Christianity Today ran an article, “Open Arm, Closed Doors” (pages 15-17) that is just one of a slew of recent publications to bring attention to the dramatic decrease in international adoptions over the past few years.  Usually such articles briefly mention that slow downs are due to new regulations that aim to crack down on child trafficking and corruption.  However, they quickly brush that aside to highlight the agony of waiting parents (and sometimes the waiting kids).  In fact, Holt is no longer accepting applications from families wanting to adopt from Ethiopia because it’s not fair that they will have “to wait and wait and wait.”

Enter one of my biggest pet peeves about international (or any) adoption conversations–any focus on the plight of waiting parents.  While many would argue that they are really concerned about the kids caught in the middle, comments like the one by Holt’s Vice President that she’d “like to resume taking applications from prospective parents” cause me to wonder.  Is she really concerned about the children or is she concerned that the slow down is bad for business?  Whille, I’m sure agencies are genuinely concerned about the children, I’m concerned that their need to satisfy their clients (a.k.a., waiting parents) clouds their evualtion of the situation.

If we were really ONLY thinking about the children, improving their living situations, and finding them safe, permanent situations, then there would be much less focus (if any at all) on all the waiting families because…

…it’s not about us.

If we were really ONLY concerned for the children, we would not have blinders on to the dozens of other ways to address the global orphan crisis.  We would more readily get out of our comfort zones to find solutions because…

…it’s not about us.

If the children really were the focus, we would not be whining about four year process times and our empty arms, we would be going and doing because…

…it’s not about us.

Why are we so narrow-minded to think that children have to come to us to get help?  We yank thousands of kids every year out of their birth culture and away from any family and anything familiar but how many families even consider making an equivalent sacrifice and taking the family to the orphan instead of the other way around?

Lest you think me incredibly naive, let me clarify that I know there are no simple solutions.  Additionally, I am not opposing international adoption.  Instead I am challenging families

1. to think outside the box when it comes to orphan solutions. 
2. to entertain the idea that the U.S. is not necessarily a better place. 
3. to remember that entering the adoption process does not give you the right to a child nor is it about growing your family.

It’s not about us.  It’s about whatever will give the most glory to God.  It’s about restoring family relationships to orphans. 

It can be about international adoption but it can also be about supporting foster care and domestic adoption in other countries, or supporting kids aging out, or relocating to another country to give a family to more orphans than you could support here, or training orphanage workers, or supporting communities to care for their own orphans, or supporting a family to keep their kids. 

It just can’t be about us.