The end of our pastor’s sermon yesterday really challenged me. You can listen to it here. It’s the one based on Matt 11:25-30. Start at time marker 21:45.
It was about reconciliation. He talked about how reconciliation comes at cost. The cost is great (especially to our pride) but we can choose to focus on what we gain when we allow reconciliation to occur even if we’ve been hurt (or will continue to be hurt). If we focus on the un-moving truths that we are validated because of who we are in Christ (not by how our kids behave in public or even treat us and each other), we can slough off the rough and delight in the sweet moments.
Our family is really struggling with one of our kids who is constantly trying to sabotage the relationships in our family. In order to continue being the therapeutic family that this child needs, we need to choose the painful, costly decision to lay our woundedness at the foot of the cross and continue to offer our child relationship and reconciliation–over and over, every minute. Instead of wallowing in a puddle of self-pity, licking our wounds, and letting resentment breed, we need to choose to delight in any interaction or view of character that is positive.
Every hour, I need to remind myself, and our other children, of God’s truths so we can remain anchored despite the torrents of emotional abuse that are cast over our household every time we engage this particular child.
God loves us, AND he loves that child.
God called our family to this journey, and he will not leave us.
God can heal the brokenness.
We are great parents. You are amazing siblings.
We ARE a family. You ARE a sister and a brother. No matter what is being said to you.
We are caring, kind, merciful, forgiving, and great friends. Other people DO want to be with us.
If God is for us (and he is), trauma will not defeat us.
Lies may be the loudest voice you hear every day, but their volume and consistency does not make them true.
Additionally, we can’t let the crisis our family is in isolate us. We need other champions in our life speaking truths louder than the lies we are hearing at home. Just like so many pack animals in the world, we are much more vulnerable in isolation.
If you are a family with a kid (or kids) from a hard place, and you need a voice in your life to rival the venom that is the mark of a fearful and traumatized child, leave me a comment. I’d love to walk this journey with you and be a voice of truth for you.
What are the truths that you need to declare over your family every hour?
Yes this is me and my family. We could use a voice of truth.
Susan, Thanks for weighing in and feel free to share this to spread the words of hope.
This is a really really powerful post. I am sorry things are rough and I will be praying for your family.
Thanks, Erin.
I remember in therapy once Cristine said ” I am ruining this family” and the therapist responding “you have no power to ruin this family. They are a strong family and will continue to be strong and loving – with or without you”
I found this to be so powerful. First to remind me that we did have a great family and also to let Cristine know she did not have any power to destroy our family.
I love that realization about not having the power to ruin a family.
I am praying continually for your family and the other families I am aware of who have said yes to this broken road. God is for you, not against you! Nothing can separate you from God’s love, and you will see miracles in healing and reconciliation. Stand firm, and rest in the promises of God, knowing that we are lifting you up in prayer, and you are hidden in the shelter of His wings. Healing and wholeness from “Whole Child” to you!
Wow. That just smacked me right in the head. Ugh. Hate when that happens. Thanks for your insightfulness.
Doretta,
I was only able to write this after being smacked in the head by my own devotional I wrote a year ago for a book I collaborated on. I was reviewing my copy of the book to see how it turned out and…WHACK!
What a great perspective. Thanks for linking up!
Praying for you guys. The daily-ness of the struggle is so real. And sometimes the only comfort is that God is with us and He is refining us through it all.
Me! Us! I needed to hear that today!
I’m so proud of the fact that we have not allowed this child to unravel our family, it still hurts nonetheless…