We are walking through the third, in-patient psych hospitalization for our daughter in less than 6 weesk. For the last 2.5 years, we tried every trick we could to keep this from happening, but her repeated childhood traumas have left such an indelible mark on her development and personality and her coping mechanisms are so maladaptive and unsafe that we were forced to use hospitalizations as a way to document and demonstrate that she (and we) need more help and services. #brokensystem.
In our area, parents can request a mental health evaluation at the local emergency department at any time. We voluntarily initiated this process once, and the police required it twice. (As a side note our local police department will transport an unwilling youth for a family if they wish to have a mental health evaluation completed.) No matter the way you end up in ER, the next part of the process is the same. Once the mental health evaluator and pediatrician on call agree that admittance to an acute psych unit is necessary, the parents agree to wait with the child on site at the hospital until an appropriate bed is found. This has kept us in the ER for a minimum of 12 hours and up to 40 hours. The first time it happened, we were completely caught off guard. I left the ER after 12 hours feeling like I’d been hit by an 18 wheeler between the lack of sleep and the emotional toll of deciding to take a flying leap onto the slippery slope of adolescent psych hospitalizations. By the third time, I was prepared. If, God forbid, you are on a similar journey as us (and I know y’all are out there), here are some things to consider taking to the ER so you can make the most of a crappy situation:
- Entertainment: For me, this is my laptop and a book. The ER where I’ve spent the better part of the last 6 weeks has free WiFi. If you’re going to be stuck in the same waiting room for possibly days, you can at least get some work done. If 40 hours of screen time makes you twitchy, that’s when you’ll want that book.
- A pillow: The first time I didn’t know I’d need this. The second time I was kicking myself for not having one. The third time, I had a small travel pillow with me and slept like a baby…a sleeping one. Don’t be shy. Feel free to ask the nurse for an empty room. You might actually get real sleep. Hospitals usually can supply you blankets so that’s one less thing you’ll need to tote around.
- Cash: You may be eating out of a vending machine for days. Our hospital vending machines accepts credit cards, but you should probably have cash just in case. Alternatively, keep a phone list of friends who live close by and would be willing to bring you real food.
- Toothbrush: I’ve failed to have this, but it sure would’ve come in handy after hour 15.
- Water bottle: Styrofoam cups and plastic straws will do in a pinch, but if you have something of your own that the nurses can put water and that awesome, soft ice in, you’ll feel more like yourself.
- Phone and charger: I know most of you have these on you ALL. THE. TIME. But you will probably have to make lots of phone calls to rearrange schedules, update home, and coordinate additional and/or future care. If your child refuses to see you, the staff will also need a way to contact you to find out where you’re hiding out in the hospital should they need you.
- List of meds, insurance card, name of pharmacy, and other pertinent info: This may seem obvious but they’ll ask you for them OVER and OVER and OVER again. Now that I mention it, you may want to keep a typed copy of the narrative you give when they ask about why you’re there. Or memorize a 30 second elevator version.
If the cards play out and you end up going to the ER from being out and about (as often happens), have a spouse or friend bring you your “GO” bag/items. Or, if your life is like ours, you may just want to have your “GO” items with you at all times.
What is your advice to families walking through crises?
We too kept a hospital bag for my Grandma. She had Alzheimer’s, heart issues and wore hearing aids. Along with everything you listed we kept printed signs for her door and above her bed that reminded the nurses, aides & doctors that she was hard of hearing and which ear was better. We also kept a notebook, so we could document what the doctors and nurses said, what tests were ordered, etc. During those stressful times, we get bombarded by the information and can’t remember everything. Nurses & aides are happy to take notes for you so you can listen. We also kept a list of important people to contact such as family members (my Grandma had 9 kids), friends and even the patient advocate at the hospital. My Grandma needed a family member to stay with her because she wandered. Some hospitals wouldn’t let us stay with her (initially) due to their rules, but they bend them quickly, when a patient falls getting out of bed by herself. After that we always insisted on the advocate coming to see us once she was admitted to prevent that happening. You have to be your own health advocate- for yourself and anyone in your care, so don’t feel intimidated and make sure you speak up. Make sure you bring entertainment for yourself and the patient. We also kept a roll of quarters for snacks, and a tube of her favorite lipstick because you always feel better with a great pair of lips!
Honestly, thank you for listing ENTERTAINMENT first. In momoents of dreaded, and often foreseen, psych-crisis, playing a stupid game, reading a nonsense novel, or scrolling through Pinterest helps in keeping your sanity somewhat intact. We’ve had a 5 year old fd hospitalized, and I was in a daze of what to do, what to think, and who I was in the whole process (we could admit her, but treatment needed to be approved by bio parents and/or the court. What a messy. long ordeal… she was reunited with family soon afterwards, can’t share more). But, oh! Seeing your child in a psych ward in a white robe that was meant to fit a 15 year old boy was traumatizing for me, and I needed to balance the super low/crazy/scary with a swing in the opposite direction.
I would only add that in your parent “go” bag, perhaps have items for your child. Items of comfort. Our fd had moments of clarity while waiting, if she was older and could write, a journal would have been a good idea for her. Paper, crayons (if allowed), picture of happy triggers, etc. Whatever you feel or a therapist feels would be helpful. Note that those items may be — will be — thrown at you at some point… so soft, replaceable items are best.
Hugs to you. Been there, done that, got the t-shirt, and I don’t wear it. Normal is a myth I still chase on occasion 😉 Rock on….
Yes, soft and replaceable for the kid 😉 Mine doesn’t even want me in sight so I usually don’t have the presence of mind to take anything for her, but thanks for the reminder!