{Adoption and Marriage}

The ironic thing about this stage in our life is that I have a ton of blogable material but not enough time.  I have no less than a half-dozen partially written posts sitting in my Drafts folder.  However, today I’m taking a couple minutes to reflect on our marriage in light of our adoptions as prompted by my good friends at We Are Grafted In.

Photo Credit Nicole Renee Portraits

Patrick and I are actually doing really well.  I’m a little surprised even as I type this.  The odds are against us for sure.

Here are some things intentional things to try if you’re trying not to lose your marriage in the chaos of post-placement:

1. Sleep-in Saturdays.  I’ve posted about this before. When our first two kiddos were around three and five, we started letting them fend for themselves on Saturday morning so we could catch up on “sleep.”  They roll out of bed, fix themselves a frozen waffle, granola bar, or bowl of dry cereal and watch cartoons until we decide to join the land of the living.  In general, I try to limit screen time but on Saturday mornings, it is not unusual for them to watch three hours of television.  I figure it is a small price to pay for the benefits.  This is a great option if regular date nights are not feasible.
2. No-nonsense bedtime.  As a general rule, all six kids (ages 14 to 6) are in bed by 9PM…sometimes earlier.  We have a little ritual of praying together and blessing them.  Then every one goes to bed.  The whole process takes about 30 minutes.  Since Patrick and I don’t go to bed until 11PM or later, this gives a couple solid hours every night to reconnect or get things done individually.  We try to go to bed at the same time every night as well.
3. Date nights.  Everyone knows these are important.  We get one in every couple of months, but with 3 newly adopted kids and a limited budget, they are a novelty.
4. Common hobby or project.  Even before we adopted, we were both passionate about orphan care.  We started a non-profit to serve churches in their orphan care initiatives.  This common project gives us something other than our kids to talk about.  We also all do Tae Kwon Do together which is another thing that provides common ground for not just Patrick and I but the entire family.
5. Parenting from the same book.  Figuring out how to parent healthily attached kids can be daunting.  Tackling kids from hard places can seem impossible, and it requires a team.  Going through ETC Parent Training together was one of the best things we did for our kids and ourselves.  It keeps us on the same page with parenting and keeps us accountable to stick with it (because it’s stinkin’ hard!).  There’s is no way we would be on as solid ground maritally as we are if we were constantly butting heads about how to handle the constant parenting issues that come up in our house.

How do you keep your marriage strong through those post-placement months and years?