The kids and I have been reading through Contemplating the Cross
3“The chief priests accused him of many things. 4 So again Pilate asked him, “Aren’t you going to answer? See how many things they are accusing you of.” 5 But Jesus still made no reply, and Pilate was amazed.”–Mark 5:3-5
In periods of deregulation, our kids get verbally abusive. My instinct is to deregulate as well…and I’m a fighter (not a fleer or a freezer). Inevitably, this only escalates the situation which ironically sends us spinning downhill fast. Next time your child deregulates, try just weathering the storm as Jesus did. Stick by your child but suffer silently.
34 “Jesus said, ‘Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.'” –Luke 23:34a
If you’ve never seen a person enter survival mode, you may not believe this, but the behavior exhibited during an episode is sometimes not remembered once that person is able to re-regulate. When a child is in fight-flight-freeze, they really do not know what they are doing. It’s like Jekyll and Hyde.
23 Then he said to them all: “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me. 24 For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will save it. –Luke 9: 23-24
The hardest thing about trust-based parenting is that it often requires the parent to change before healing can be facilitated in the child. We too often see the child as the problem to fix especially if there are behavior problems. However, we’ve found that if we’re really honest with ourselves, how we react to our children (and their behavior) dramatically affects the outcome. Remember, we’re the big people. Success in trust-based parenting has required me to die to myself. I’ve had to bury my emotional baggage so I can suffer silently without my pride causing me to fight back and forgive wrong and wrong done to me. My time is also not my own. It’s given to my kids who need to witness someone sticking with them through the storm…even if it takes hours.
So next time you think you can’t do it any longer, come to the cross. The One who suffered silently for you understands, and He has the power to restore your strength.
awesome post Melissa….Happy Easter… He is risen